The Epic of Heigel

In the days following the sudden coup in Torlund, Markku and his family fled the country and sought refuge for a short time in the Mer-Rein town of Oakentear. Late one night, a group of mercenaries had ambushed the family, separating Markku from his parents and brother, forcing him to flee deep into the woods. When Markku could run no more, he stopped, collapsing behind a large oak tree, overcome by exhaustion and falling into a weary slumber.

The next day, Markku awoke to the mid-morning sun, back and limbs sore from a night sprawled upon tree roots and the cold, hard ground. The night had been frigid and the morning remained cold. Markku rose, shivering, and wandered for a short time before stumbling upon a small cottage, though quite by accident, as it was well hidden amongst the trees. Shakily, Markku knocked upon the door. Though no one answered, he found the door was unlocked, and decided to let himself in before he froze to death. Inside, Markku warmed himself by a small fireplace, before turning his eyes on the short table to his right. Upon the table sat a large jug of water, several plates of cheese, a few bowls filled with various nuts and berries, and a basket of bread. Markku realized he was equal parts parched and famished, and so helped himself to the food and drink, though pointedly avoiding the cheese. When he had finished, Markku sat and allowed himself to evaluate his situation for the first time. He was quickly overcome by guilt, not only for abandoning his family, but also for stealing from the occupant with no way to pay them back.

Now warmed, watered, and fed, Markku decided it was best to leave before causing any more trouble. He quickly made his way out of the cottage, closing the front door behind him, and back into the dense forest, heading in a direction he hoped would lead him back into town. Markku had barely moved 10 feet when he heard a loud and sudden CRACK just to his left. Startled, he leapt and turned just in time to see a quarterstaff leaving the side of a tree and heading straight for his chest. Instinctively, he attempted to dodge the staff, and was instead struck on his left thigh. He cried out and stumbled further back, feeling the bruise on his thigh blooming, but at last able to discern the source of this unexpected beating. The first thing he saw was the large, pointed, red hat. For a moment, it seemed to encompass the entirety of his attacker. However, Markku's eyes quickly took in the remainder of the creature and recognized it as some sort of gnome. He did not have long to dwell on his discovery, however, as the staff was once again rushing towards him, aimed at his head this time. Markku jerked his body backwards, avoiding the blow, but losing his balance completely in the process. He crashed loudly to the forest floor, striking his head upon a root, leaving his body sprawled across the ground. Briefly winded, Markku caught his breath in time to cry out "please, stop!" before suffering the next blow from the staff.

Hearing Markku's shouts, his attacker ceased the assault, stepping back and lifting the brim of their enormous hat, which Markku then realized was completely obscuring the gnome's vision. As Markku stared numbly into the eyes of his assailant,

Upon hearing this, his attacker immediately ceased the assault, stepping back and lifting the brim of its enormous hat, which Markku then realized was completely obscuring the gnome’s vision. As Markku stared numbly into the eyes of his assailant, he watched as the expression changed quickly from fierce determination to earnest concern. "Now unless you are an unusually short adult, it appears you are a weak and useless child", he heard the gnome utter, followed by "have you reached puberty yet? Do you find women buxom and attractive? Or men for that matter? Who am I to judge…" As the gnome speaks, Markku watches as the brim of the hat slips slowly over his eyes, settling on the bridge of his nose. Markku responds “I’m not weak! You just caught me off guard! And I don’t know what buxom even means!”  Hearing this, Heigel smiles, somewhat eerily, and says “Oh, my boy, you have so much to learn. Let’s start with personal hygiene; come on into my cottage.”

Back in the gnome's quaint home, Markku was helped to the bed, where he sat down and evaluated his situation. His head was pounding and his back was quite sore, that was for sure. The bruise on his thigh had swelled nicely as well and begun purpling slightly. The gnome, meanwhile, was puttering distractedly around the house, constantly bumping into furniture and pausing occasionally to lift the brim of his still unnaturally large hat. "You lie down now and be still! Heigel's got just what you need. Around here somewhere..." And with that he continued muttering to himself and grabbing various items from the odd shelf and cabinet.

Markku, feeling disoriented and much the worse for wear, decided to follow the instructions of this "Heigel" and lay himself down on the bed. As he did, he noticed something that his eyes had failed to take in on his first misadventure into the cottage. Covering the walls, hanging from the ceilings, piled haphazardly on various counters and tables, was a wide assortment of objects. The first he noticed were the necklaces: silver, gold, pearl, some with gemstones, they dangled at various heights from the walls and the rafters. Then he saw the bracelets, the rings, the broaches, all manner of ornamentation. And there was more than just jewelry: upon one end table sat a heap of handkerchiefs, in a jar on the floor were various coins of all types and regions, and he could just glimpse what looked like several cases of fine wine behind a half closed cellar door. The most impressive, however, was the myriad of hats, all shapes, sizes, and styles, which hung above the fireplace from more pegs than Markku could count. Markku was surprised by the presence of such an incredible collection in such a simple house, populated by such a strange inhabitant.

Heigel bumbled over to the bed, balancing a mess of bandages and vials in his small arms, somehow managing not to send them tumbling everywhere. The gnome, still muttering to himself, began to bandage the wound on Markku’s head. While he worked, he would repeatedly lift the brim of his hat to observe his progress, though the hat would collapse immediately upon release, instantly obscuring the gnome’s vision. Nevertheless, he continued treating the cut, soon finishing and shifting focus to the bruise on Markku’s leg.

“You’re lucky you got off this easy lad!” the gnome burst out, in the midst of rubbing some sort of salve on the bruise. “I dinna realize you were just a young one. Lucky you fell as quick as you did, else I mightna caused some REAL damage before I saw you.”

“What do you mean, ‘before I saw you?’” replied Markku. “How did you know I was there if you couldn’t see me?”

“Laddie, I could hear you from 100 yards away when you entered this cottage. You’re a quick one, I’ll give you that, which is why I only just caught you as you were disappearing back into the forest. If I had just taken a moment to sneak a glance, this might have gone quite differently. You must understand, though, I don’t get many visitors out here. What are you doing in my forest, boy?”

Markku explained to Heigel how he had gotten lost from his family the night before and had stumbled upon the cottage. He was afraid the gnome would not believe him, but he must have seemed honest enough, because when he finished his story Heigel stood up and declared that he would see him safely back to his family, on his honour as a gnome. Just as soon as they had some lunch, that is.